I Miss my Mind the Most

Well over the last month I have managed to lose 5 pounds.  Doesn't sound like much but it is a big deal for me- any loss is not a gain.  I would like to think it's from eating better and getting more exercise but in reality I think it is actually the weight of the amount of HAIR i've lost.  The whole post-partum hair loss thing has kicked in (due to hormones) and I'm literally pulling it out by the handfull.  This happened after my first pregnancy too, and my hair grew back very curly in a few areas.  I'm hoping that this time around the rest of the hair gets a little bit of curl too because it just looks weird and is very hard to style.  Already, I am missing my thick flowing locks.  Right now, I have thin wirey patches of fluff.

As for Nolan, he's doing great.  The best so far.  We are waiting for him to learn how to clear his own airway when he coughs up mucous, then he can come home.  Right now, he coughs and sputters and chokes because he doesn't realize he can swallow the 'gu nk' down.  I'm hoping we only have one more night to go and then we can all come home and be a NORMAL family again.  Well, you know, as normal as we can be. 
I came home this afternoon because I was much in need of a break from the hospital environment- the nurses didn't want me to go but I told them it would only be for a short while as I live within 5 minutes of the hospital.  They are sooooo short staffed at this hospital it's scary.  Anyway I thought I would get a blog out of my system before I left again.  Thanks all for the well wishes, it means so much, as I've said before (but I REALLY MEAN IT!!).

I'll be reading all your blogs that I've missed when I get home, that is going to be a lot of reading!!

~jen

After spending the entire day coughing his poor little lungs out we finally decided last night to take Nolan into emergency.  He wasn't able to drink his milk because he was coughing, breathing in the milk, choking and puking.  It was horrible.  His diapers were barely wet and he was clammy and listless.  I was worried. 
Mr. Island took him in and I stayed with Paige since she was sleeping.  The doctors took into account that he is only 4 months old, 5 days post op and his previous low haemoglobin levels and decided to admit him right away.  I was soooooo releived.  They were worried that he may have pneumonia so he was put on IV antibiotics as well as much needed fluids.  I went in this morning with Paige to see him and I was So pleased to see my old Noly back, he was kicking, cooing and gooing- it was music to my weary ears.   When I picked him up to feed him, he was full of smiles and giggles, just like before the surgery, I can't tell you how relieved I was, I nearly started crying.  My one fear about the crainial surgery was that his personality would be changed somehow.  Since he's been fighting this cold virus/infection he's not been himself except for a few glimpses (like the picture above).  I was worried that the chubby baby full of giggles was gone until this morning when he was back in full force.  YAHOO!!
I'm not sure how long they will be keeping him in the hospital this time.  He's in isolation to protect his weakened immune system from germs, gowns and masks for everyone.  I'm completely OKAY with that. 
I'll be keeping you updated on his progress, what a long road this has seemed to be.  Who would have thunk it?

Hugs and disinfected kisses to all,
~jen

Hello all,  We are home.  I would have blogged earlier but the kids have been keeping my hands full. Nolan has contracted a super nasty cold bug and it is causing him much greif.  He is coughing like a smoker and it's keeping him from having anything close to a restfull sleep.  He seems slightly better today but yesterday was rough.  He's not eating enough and is barely wetting his diapers.  His appetite has picked up slightly this morning and he's drank about 5 ounces in total.  Which is about 5 ounces shy of his normal 10 ounce intake.  I'm keeping an eye on him and will have him to the doctor tomorrow regardless, I don't want him to get dehydrated. The doctors at VCH assured me that his head would not be causing him any pain with perhaps the exception of his stitches- they may get itchy.  So it's all because of this doggone cold.

Annnnyyyywayyy... I finally managed to post some pictures to flickr.  I commented on each of them so the details are on each picture if you click on them.  I will take some 'after' pictures to go with my 'before' pictures shortly.  Just another thing to look forward to ::smile::

Well I need to run and catch up on about 7 hours sleep, I'll blog more when I am able.

~jen

G'day folks,  We are still kickin' it here in Vancouver but we were given the Ok to come home tomorrow (friday).  Nolan's swelling peaked last night and his poor left eye looks like someone boxed him.  Today he is able to open both eyes and he's been quite alert.  He seems to have caught a bit of a cold though (as if cranio surgery wasn't enough) so he's got a runny nose and a nasty cough that makes him grimace and cry.  So far no smiles, but who can blame the little fella? 
Yesterday they found out that his IV, the one that was feeding him the morphine and extra fluids had fallen out so he hadn't been getting his pain medication for most of the day along with the MUCH needed fluids.  So I spent most of the night force feeding him trying to get his fluids back up.  His Hemoglobin levels were down again this morning but just slightly so they are going to give him some iron supplements until he leaves tomorrow.  He doesn't look any more pale than usual, he's got his daddy's pastey white skin. So far, no blood transfusion, and I hope it stays that way. 
I can't say enough great things about this hospital- really, everyone is so great here.  We met some nice volunteers last night who put on a 'coffee night' for the weary parents in the ward.  It was nice to chat with other grown ups for awhile and eat 'day olds' donated from starbucks. 
I managed to do a lot of scrap booking in my spare time too- I've been keeping myself busy.  Poor Mr. Island has been a little more on the bored side but unfortunately he's not into scrapbooking (tee hee). 
Well I should run, my baby is probably lonely, or sleeping in which case it's me that's lonely.

Catch up with ya'll later,

~jen

We made it through to 'the other side'.  I can't beleive it.  Nolan is doing great.  The doctors said everything went as planned.  Nolan has very 'vascular' bone and tissue so he bled a little more than usual. We were concerned over night about the possibility of having to do a blood transfusion but this morning his hemoglobin levels were great and he seems to be doing great in every other way. 
As for the procedure, they removed a strip of bone along the saggital suture (where the centre of your hair would part), as well as removed a circular area that appeared like a 'nipple' (doctors word not mine) at the back of his head.  This piece, they cut, flattened out and replaced.  and they took two small wedge pieces out of the sides of his head from the saggital suture down- behind the ear area.  They didn't touch his forehead because it didn't look that bad. 
I wish I could share the pictures with you right now but his face is starting to puff up and the bruising is showing around his poor little puffy eyes.  I completely expected this after all of the research I had done before hand at cappskids.com but I feel bad for the little fella since he can't open his eyes. 
I have been feeling okay, pretty solid emotionally, thanks to the zoloft of course.  But there are signs of stress in my camp, a canker sore in my mouth, sore throat, bloodshot eyes, constipation (ya, I know too much info).  Mr. Island seems to be okay as well- he did most of his freaking out before the surgery, but he's a man so you can never really tell how freaked out he actually is.  We've shared a lot of hug time, I'm so glad he's been here and such a great supportive husband through all this.  As if we expected anything less!?!?
I have brought my scrapbooking stuff along so i can keep myself busy while listening to the beeps and blips of all the machines he's hooked up to.  This hospital is the cats ass, seriously.  Nolan has his OWN nurse and all the equipment is the most top notch high tech stuff I have ever seen.  It all adds to my comfort level.  I'm still too scared to change his diaper though for fear of hurting him somehow.  I'll get over that sooner or later.

Well I should get back to my little man and bring Mr. Island a coffee,
I'll keep in touch over the day since these computers are available until 4pm. 

Thank you EVERYONE for all of your prayers and well wishes- they mean so very much.  I know Nolan can feel the good vibes too... oh wait, maybe that is just the morphine. 

Hugs to all,

~jen

We just came out of the waiting room after handing Nolan off to the anesthetist.  Our surgery was scheduled for 12:45 but we didn't ACTUALLY hand the boy over until 3:10.  My poor son has been fasting since 6:45 this morning but you would barely know with the minimal amount of fuss he was making.  I'm proud of my little trooper.

I was lucky enough to locate this internet access in the library here.  Very handy, and Free.  Unfortunately I won't be able to share any of my pictures until I get home but I'm sure you all can wait. 
I need something to eat, and I feel like I need to sleep for about 12 hours straight.  Stress can really wipe a person out can't it??

I'm feeling suprisingly calm considering the fact that I just handed my baby over to a bunch of strangers.  Don't ask me why.  I think it has a lot to do with my medication, which I love by the way.

Anyway, I'm off to grab a bite to eat. 
Hugs and baby kisses,

~jen

What a blur of a day today was for me.  I was up early with the boy, he is an early bird unlike his big sister and myself.  After that, I spent part of the day having a heart attack because I found out Nolan's Health care number was deemed 'inactive'.  This is a bad thing because I needed his number to qualify for travel expenses to Vancouver Children's Hospital, not to mention THE ENTIRE MEDICAL PROCEDURE.  I got into the access centre by the skin of my teeth, 15 minutes before it closed and was able to straighten everything out.  Actually my husband fixed the entire issue while I was running around like the proverbial chicken by taking the phone call I had been waiting for.  I had to run around, I couldn't sit here and wait for a phone call for something so important.  Crazy, because that is usually my style- to wait around- but I just couldn't today.  Not when it comes to my kids.  Anyway, once I had that finished i spent the rest of the day preparing for the community garage sale.  I'm not even close to ready but I guess I need something to do while I'm watching people NOT buy my junk. 
Fingers crossed that I can ditch some of the stuff, don't tell anyone but i'd give most of the stuff away if they just asked. Seriously.  Well a few things I want money for... but some of that other junk- I'd pay you to take.

Well the countdown is on... only 3 more sleeps until baby Nolan goes in for surgery.  Our nerves are getting the better of us but i'm coping better than I expected. SO far.  I'll be bringing my journal with me so i can write in it- perhaps I'll blog if there is internet access close by.  You can count on a picture record of this 'adventure' when we come back on the 'other side'.  I know i've asked before, but please keep Nolan in your thoughts on Tuesday June 21st, he needs his angels with him for this. Heck, I need his angels with him for this because I can't be there for every second. Thank you all in advance.

I should hit the sack, it's going to be a busy day in the Island household tomorrow.
Hugs and love,
~jen

okay, I don't know what happened but i woke up this morning to one dead fish and one in serious peril.  They were perfectly happy last night!?!  I tossed the dead one in the toilet and came back to rescue the other one and get this... I fished him out and put him in the WRONG cup.  The cup I had set aside had water in it from the kettle that had been out over night.  The cup I actually put the fish in was the one paige had been making "soup' in and was full of soapy water.  DAMN.  I quickly moved him but I think it's too late.  He's fluttering around very robotic-like at the bottom of the bowl.  Maybe he's heartbroken, maybe he's in his last fits of toxic shock syndrome- We'll soon find out.

I can't believe they let me have children.

~jen

Once again Suz, has been Nolan's fairy god mother.  First she offered us the use of her baby swing when Paige broke ours, then She introduced Nolan to Elizabeth's long since retired Mobile.  This mobile is like no other mobile I've ever seen, its like the sweetest eye candy for babies mixed with the sultry tunes of Mozart, Bach and Beethoven.  As far as I'm concerened no baby could stand a chance against this Mobile. Nolan is hooked!  He stares at it for hours in fascination.  In the middle of the night, simply starting the classical music and swinging animals sends him off like a shot of demerol never could.  I swear the thing has magical powers, it's 'enchanted'. 

And I love it dearly.

Thanks Suz, I will protect it as if I were the one who paid all the money for it.

~jen

I started this blog over a year ago with the intentions of it being an ART blog. A place to feature daily drawings and paintings as I completed them.  Then I got pregnant and hormones changed my 'creative drive' a little.  Painting, thought I still enjoy it, has been put on a back burner and I'm finding so many new and interesting ways to express my creative side.  First off- Sewing!  I've sewn 2 dresses for my daughter, the second far more creative than the first *see below*

There are embroidered dragonflies on the fabric.

I decided not to tell Paige about it unless she notices. At which time I'll tell her the story about Nemo and how all drains lead to the ocean...

I can't win these days.

~jen

Recently Mr.Island purchased a printer for me at a garage sale.  It was a super deal at 25 dollars since everyone knows that the ink cartridges are where the real money is.  Anyway, I got it home and set it up.  I made note of the blinking lights telling me the machine was out of ink- I expected this.  What I didn't expect was to pay 80$ for replacement ink cartridges. Ouch.  So, I bounced home thinking my money had been well spent since I got the printer for such a deal.  I installed the catridges to receive a new warning message from the printer **Color cartridge not installed, or not installed properly please consult your manufacterer**.   I fiddled around with the tanks etc and nothing changed.  So I have been staring at the stupid printer with its vegas-like blinking lights for a couple weeks.  Finally I broke down and borrowed a printer from Suz.  It also needed a color ink cartridge and lucky enough for me it took the same one as the broken printer. 
Well, While trying to get the cartridge shuttle to slide out so i could get the ink out of the printer I managed to pull out several important components and still the stupid shuttle remained locked inside the printer.  I ended up completely DESTROYING it with the help of our cement floor and a pair of tin snips.  BUT i was able to retrieve the color tank, intact.  Then I installed it into Suz's printer only to get THE VERY SAME error message I had received on the old printer.  WHAT THE... This time though, an error message came up on the screen saying something was wrong with the cartridge.   Keep in mind this is a brand new tank.  SO I took the cartridge out, inspected it- looked at the copper part that you 'are not supposed to touch', I licked my finger, rubbed it all over the copper receptors and removed what seemed like a thick layer of glue or something.  After using mother nature's best cleaner (spittle), I drop the tank into the printer and watch it work like HP intended with a whiz, whiz and a clickety clack.  No more warning signals.
So this gets me thinking, as I look at the heap of garbage that I used to call a printer sitting on the floor, perhaps the problem wasn't a faulty printer after all but a FAULTY INK CARTRIDGE. 

ooops.

~jen

Paige has been in WA visiting her cousins with her granparents since Wednesday, Mr. Island has been working a 'shut down' at his plant so It's been Nolan and I to do as we please.  I've really been enjoying myself actually.  I've spent the last couple of days shopping with Suz, so I haven't been COMPLETELY alone.  The companionship has been nice- Female companionship that can shop with the best of them. 
Let's see what else have I done on my few days of rest... I sewed yet ANOTHER dress for Paige.  The same pattern but different fabric, I even got brave and mixed the colors a bit.  I'll post a picture of it when I have a child to model it for me.  Today I took apart the fabric softener dispenser in my washing machine and cleaned the quarter inch of toxic mold/fabric softener build-up.  Now I know the source of the chronic stench emmited by my washing machine.  Holy sh*t it was gross people.  I also cleaned the bathroom, my bedroom, Paige's bedroom, and did a couple piles of laundry (still much more to do unfortunately).  I trimmed the roses out on the patio, watered the plants, washed Paige's OLD potty and put it away for Nolan.  That was all mostly containted to the top floor and NEXT I need to buy a few beers and finish my main living quarters.  Since Mr. Island won't be home until late, I should have time to finish up. 
There is nothing I like more than turning up the tunes and getting down to business with the household duties.  Well, once in awhile the bug does come over me and when it does, I make the best of it.

So having said that, I'll be off to get the beer...

Later Gaters,

~jen 

 Today I bought myself a new stapler.  A swingline stapler.  I looked for a red one but I could only find purple.  It's perfect for stapling those 'TPS reports'.  I've needed a stapler at my home office desk for eons and now I finally have one, a swingline. A purple swingline.

My life is finally fulfilled.

"Excuse me, I think you have my stapler."
   -Milton, Office Space.

Yes, long time- no blog.  My heart hasn't really been in it lately but I think it would be healthy for me to make an effort right now. 
Monday was Nolan's appointment with Dr. Steinbok at Vancouver children's hospital.  Suz and I were planning on going together but she had a little tragedy happen over night so I sent her off to the hospital and Nolan and I went alone.  My anxiety levels have been super high because of the pending appointment so I was in a real state after hearing Suz's news,  I couldn't find my bank card and nearly missed my ferry ride by going back home to look for it.  Somehow I managed to hold myself together (relatively speaking) and get to Vancouver Ch ildren's Hospital with absolutely no problems.  I found the building and doctors office like someone was holding my hand and guiding me there, which for me was amazing since I left my directions AND my glasses on the counter.

Once we arrived, I sat in the recpetion and noticed another little boy playing with the toys, after talking with his parents I found out he was in for his 3 month post op check up.  He looked amazing and was playing like any 8 month old would. That also calmed my nerves, it was exactly what I needed to see. I sat and talked with Dr. Steinbok for 25 minutes as he explained the procedure, pros and cons of the surgery, and why they think children get craniosynostosis.  When He asked if I would still be interested in having the surgery done (since it is, for the most part, a cosmetic procedure) I answered with a resounding "YES!".
I was told by my GP that Dr. Steinbok is 'The MAN' for these types of procedures which was reassuring to hear. Along with the fact that the NSteam at Vacouver children's has the lowest occurence of blood transfusions needed during this procedure. There is only a 10% chance a blood transfusion will be needed which is the lowest documented ANYWHERE in the world.  The surgery date was booked for June 21st.  That is three weeks away.  Which gives me three weeks to get back on my 'happy pills' to help me cope with the added stress of having to see my baby boy through a major surgery.

I found my way home without incident. Despite having to wait for a rather large funeral procession; I was the last car to drive on the ferry just before it departed for Nanaimo.  And through all the chaos and excitement Nolan was a great little traveller, he was awake nearly the entire time and talked his little 'goo goo' language to keep me company.  I think the kid set some kind of baby talk records that day because he honestly didn't shut up!  He was charming old ladies left and right on the ferry.  You needed to bat the ladies off with a stick, it was.... so terribly cute.

So I will be taking lots of photos and documenting Nolan's adventure through the Craniectomy... I think it will be theraputic for me and perhaps other parent's out there whose children also have saggital synostosis.

I need to hit the sack, this insomnia is killin' me!
Hugs, Big, Big Hugs-
~jen